cpe week five reflection
Collective Conscience. CPE is not only a personal journey. It is also a communal one. This is one of the things that hit me last week. Breaking patterns and managing tendencies are resolutions I do not only owe myself, but others as well. Insofar as my classmates painfully journeyed with me during my processing, I owe it to them to fix my life accordingly. Insofar as I helped my classmates in their respective processing, they owe me a better take on their own lives.
Accountability! That sums it up! After CPE, I feel more than ever that I am accountable to my classmates. I am responsible, to a certain extent, for the quality of the lives they live. By pushing our naked selves to the public sphere, we are put in the spotlight. Yes, it is a burden to live with others looking after you. There is some pressure. We can’t just do anything and everything we want because we know that there are people watching. But, from a more positive perspective, it is also reassuring and heartwarming to know that there are people who sincerely and compassionately watch after my every step for me not to fall again into the manholes I have fallen into before. And if ever I do, I am affirmative that they will stretch out their hands to pull me out again, accompanying me with great concern in my standing up.
Our relationship as a class will never be the same again. We are now really and officially brothers.
Recovering Relationships. I think Rey Amora is justified in seeing me as a Three in the Enneagram, as an achiever. During my last processing, I was blessed to realize that I put priority to work more than relationships. And that has to change.
I think I got this from the corporate world! I guess there is really truth in the saying that when you work in the corporate world, its values and disvalues will really rub on you. And this is one of its side-effects. Yes, efficiency and professionalism get things done, things that are duly appreciated and valued. But in the process, I might have hurt or sidelined people’s feelings and concerns.
With the help of my classmates I saw that the key to this problem is to reinstate relationships to its proper place. To realize that relationships are as important, or even more important, than work and getting things done. Or maybe there is really no conflict. I can still be my efficient and professional self, but now more conscientious about and sensitive to its effects on relationships I value.
Living it Out. How is CPE different from the other modules in the SPFY? It gives greater stress on the application, offering a greater challenge to live out in real life the things seen and heard. “Hindi na pwede yan!” is the resounding refrain I always hear whenever I feel inclined to my identified tendencies. It is as if a mini Sr. Mercia is embedded already at the back of my mind, in the depths of my heart. In this sense, she is my newly acquired nagger-angel. And believe me, it is very effective!
Boy is it difficult! But, come to think of it, what is difficult for someone who does things out of love? Nothing. Kakayanin lahat kasi nga nagmamahal. I know why I am doing all these. I know for Who all these painful changes and sacrifices are. And I know deep in my heart that He is worth it! Thus, I have no excuses… I will never have any because it is my awesome God I am in love with…
